I don't know how many other people that have spent time in Ethiopia feel, but I feel guilty about buying new things for myself. I fine with buying clothes, books, toys for the kids and even for my husband. (Also, getting my hair done).
But being in Ethiopia changed me. Changed how I look at the world. Changed how I think about the world and the USA. I find myself at times feeling guilty for what I have in my life. My husband and I are not materialistic people. We don't have alot of "things" and we gave up the ability to have "things" to adopt two children internationally. Our house is an average ranch house from the 80s that has multiple unfinished remodeling projects going on. But compared to what so many in the world have, we are RICH.
We have a roof over our head, not made of tin, it doesn't leak. We have enough food to eat. We have clean water to drink.
There is so much need in the world that it overwhelms me to think of it. We give money to our church for humanitarian needs. We support, Habitat for Humanity, Mercy Corp, Ethiopian Orphan Relief and what they do by donating money. Then someone else introduces a new organization to me and I feel torn. Where will our money be best used and help the most? How can we not help?
A lady at our church, since we adopted from Ethiopia wants us to get involved with a group that raises money for a school for orphans in Liberia. As much as I know there is need, I just feel like I can not handle getting involved in the needs in Liberia. I believe we need to give back to Ethiopia. The country that gave us two amazing children. Help the country where our family was completed.
So I find myself as we are choosing a new fridge to buy, (ours in on its last legs) feeling guilty for spending money on a fridge. Even though we need a new fridge. I haven't been able to shake this feeling since we came home in Sept of 09.
I guess it will help me be a better person and think of others before myself. It will help me teach our children that there is more to life than big screen TVs and video games. It will help me teach them to care for others that are less fortunate and give of themselves.
But I have to admit sometimes I wish I had a little of my old view of the world back. Just some days.
4 Kind Words:
I'm in the same boat Becky, and it's only gotten worse since I became a board member of EOR. Knowing that my money is finite, and that I could never begin to help everyone in the world, I go deep. More of my money goes to fewer organiizations. I know there is tremendous need everywhere, but giving more to fewer means a real change. I think a lot harder before I spend money now. We have all that we need, and much that we want, and knowing that makes it harder to spend 'just because I want it'
I know exactly what you'r talking about and have probably blogged about it too. The other day we were at Value Village and I had to think twice before buying a $7 pair of shoes that I actually needed. What's crazy is that I dropped $9 at Burger King a few days later and didn't think much about it. I think part of the problem is accumulation of stuff that can stare back at you and remind you of orphans. It's exhausting at times and guilt is not something I think of as good or productive, but in this case it just may be.
Becky, I wrote a post similar to this awhile back, and I totally know how you feel. I think about everything we spend money on now... not that we quit spending money (alas), but I'm much more conscious of what we are spending on and the things we are accumulating. I feel so responsible for Ethiopia now that some of her precious resources are part of my family. I think this is all part of God's plan... when he put Ethiopian adoption on our hearts, he put Ethiopia in our hearts. Our eyes are opened and we get to have the privilege of being stewards and ambassadors for a beautiful country half-way round the world. We still support lots of different charitable causes, but my heart is really in the ones that benefit Ethiopia.
Yes...I feel it too. Being aware (painfully aware sometimes) is part of making the change though. Changing the way we spend on anything can help others. From shopping at the Goodwill more or consigning our clothing, we can help and also save.
Get your refrigerator! You need it. I think it comes down to being logical when we spend. I know how you feel, too, about adding new charities. Each person has a passion for something and ours is Ethiopia. We are grateful for why we love this country...our wonderful children!
Thank you so much for writing about this!
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