Do they like.....love each other?

There are days like today that I wonder if my two children even like each other. Some days they are battling from sunup to sundown. Adoption of two non-related children at once is not for the faint of heart. Yes I know biological siblings fight too, I was one of 6. But when I watch them fight, I can't help but wonder, do you not like having a sibling? Are you not happy to have someone else in the family that looks like you, comes from your heritage, has experienced life in an orphanage?

Haven and Alec are in constant competition all day long. Competition for my lap, my attention, toys, the blankets, brushing their teeth, singing a song, reading a book, picking a video....on and on all day long, until they are fighting over who gets to say their prayers first. Lord knows, I have tried to be fair with taking turns, each having their own special time with me, but it never seems like it is enough for them.

Is it because they are too alike in their personal experience? Or is it because they are too different? When I try to talk to people about this, I get told, "oh they are just siblings".  I wonder when or if I will stop analyzing everything as being an adoption/orphanage thing.

Just when I think they will never get along they show support for each other. Alec is potty training and gets M&Ms when he is successful. He always asks if Haven is going to get one too. She always does, just like he always got one when she was potty training.

Haven and I were having a very bad day today. And I was yelling at her, Alec told me "NO yell at Haven". Sunday Alec wanted to watch The Wiggles and I told him not until Haven finishes her breakfast. He went over and started helping her eat. Of course he had an ulterior motive...but it was so sweet. So maybe there is hope that they will work through this competition phase and move one to being each other's best friend and ally.

Here is some proof that they do like each other's company every now and then.




Reading books together.



Alec helping Haven eat, so he can watch  The Wiggles.



OT to the rescue

Haven loves, loves, loves (did I say she loves enough) her OT appointments. She asks all week long to go to "Julie's house". After just two weeks I have seen a difference in her tactile sensory issues. One of her favorite things (she tells me this almost daily) is to write in the shaving cream. At OT they do it on a mirror, but we do it in the bathtub at home. It has been great for her and she is now starting to practice writing letters. She has been able to write a L for a little bit, but now she wants to learn to do other letters. So we are working on her writing her name. I am so proud of her!

Her OT is very happy with her progress and can't believe that she is as advanced as she is for a child that lived in a orphanage for the first 18 months of her life. She is very impressed with her fine motor skills.

I love that Haven is excited to go and enjoys her time instead of dreading going. And of course everyone loves to hear how wonderful they are, including me. Julie gave me a nice pat on the back last week and it really helped me get through the rest of the day.

Haven will now tell me if a noise is too loud and bothering her. This is a HUGE step forward. Before she would just shut down in terror and scream. We still have a long way to go with her auditory sensory issues. Who knows if they will ever be handled until she has the additional ear drum surgery when she is older.

Another surprise benefit of her OT appointment is I get 1 uninterrupted hour of play with Alec. While she is in her appointment, we play in a different room. This has been great for him to get my total attention. Alec's me time is usually early in the morning or late at night when Haven is sleeping. Rarely do I have him all to myself during the day. We have had some good bonding and learning time. I'm so proud of him as well.
He is so smart and so athletic. I am amazed at what his little body can do.

After Haven is all done with her appointment. Then Alec gets to go into the gym and play for a little bit with all the great toys.

Things are getting better at our house, slowly but surely! Our therapist has helped me so much and now Haven is getting the help she needs. 2011 is going to be a good year for our family.

Just a little side note: Alec started potty training again. This weekend he ran to the bathroom and said he had to go potty and has for the last 3 days. Of course there have been some accidents. But he is on track to getting out of diapers!!!!  When Haven was potty training he started wanting to use the toilet too, but then stopped and wouldn't sit on it if his life depended on it. I quit trying to encourage him to use it and let it go. Now I think he is ready and away we go.

Some funny things out of my kiddos mouths

Haven praying before bed "Dear Dog".
Alec praying before bed, Dear God thank you for TV and The Wiggles" we have improved from praying to The Wiggles to praying for The Wiggles.
Alec when I asked him to eat his peas, "No I'm a robot". Sesame Street had information on that day about robots.
Alec reading "A Mother for Chocco", his version goes like this "Chocolate sad, cried, no Mommy. Bear, hug Chocolate, Bear kiss Chocolate, Bear Chocolate's Mommy.
Haven calling Alec to come play blocks with her. Answer from their bedroom, " Later I'm reading books now Kay".
We just got the big box of new clothes my sister sent the kids for Christmas. Haven's response," WOW these jeans adorable."
Haven in her room playing when she is suppose to be sleeping. Me, "Haven go to sleep." Haven's response " I do sleeping."
We have a beta named Selam. The both call him 'Salami' since we have dogs that names end in the "ie" sound.
They make me laugh every day!

Alec had his 2 year check up. He is now 28 pounds and 35 1/2 inches tall. He has grown 1/2 inch since July. His catch up growth spurt is slowing down. He is now 78% in height instead of 97%.

Ethiopian Christmas

We are so blessed to live in the Portland area. Our group of Ethiopian Adoptive Families was trying to put together an event for Ethiopian Christmas. One of the local  Ethiopian restaurants, E'Njoni Cafe's owners offered to put together an event and let us be a part of the celebration. I have to admit I was more excited about this than our kiddos. There were some tears about putting on the Ethiopian dress. The one Haven wanted to wear had a rip in it, so she had to wear the (gasp) blue and white one. Oh the drama! But once we got there all was forgotten.

The room was filled with adoptive families, some waiting families and some people from Portland's Ethiopian community. We were in for a night of music, yummy food and traditional dancing. Very soon after entering the room all the children were on the dance floor and wanting to be on the stage. Fun was had by all. It was so amazing to see all these beautiful children together enjoying the music from their heritage.

One of the most touching events of the night was the blessing. The priest from the Ethiopian church blessed our children and welcomed our families into the local community. It was extremely poignant. It made me realize that as parents, Naing and I need to make more of an effort to get in the car and drive 45 minutes to North Portland so our children are exposed to the Ethiopian community and all they have to offer.

I can't even put into words how wonderful the evening was and my excitement that it is going to be a yearly event. I told Naing on the drive home, I feel so honored to be involved with EAFO (Ethiopian Adoptive Families of Oregon) and proud of what we are doing to keep our children's heritage alive and part of their lives.


Traditional Dancing




Haven copying the ladies swirling their skirts




The dancers came out and dancing with the children. Soon all were on the stage.




Getting tired, but still going full speed.




Knee jumping his new thing.




This young man danced with the kids for a little bit and left. Haven went after him and told him to come back and dance!