What a rollercoaster of emotions

The last 48 hours have been very surreal for me. I know I have written a few times about how challenging I find parenting Haven. I love our daughter dearly, but I have such huge guilt that I am not doing a good job with her, because she is such a challenge. So after much soul searching, researching and discussing with Naing, I made an appointment with an Adoption/Bonding therapist. Once I made the decision to go meet with her, I felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. We had our first get to know you meeting yesterday and I'm excited that she can help me learn some new approaches for handling Haven's defiance so we don't have a daily battle of wills. Now I have to do the work to make this happen. One of the things she said to me over and over is that I need to take care of myself and make sure I get what I need. I know I read all the pre-adoption books that tell you that, but it was like I was actually getting permission to do something for me. I don't know if 12 hours of me time a week is really feasible, but I do want to start taking more down time and let Naing or someone else tend to their needs for a few hours. I'm always on and I'm feeling drained. I have hardly been without them for 13 months. So I need to spend some time on me and my sweet husband and I need some us time as well. Now to try to implement and stick with the plan.
After the emotional meeting yesterday, I was on facebook and saw a post about one of the drivers we met while we were in Ethiopia being on facebook. Our little group of friends were all excited to see his smiling face and be able to connect with him again. Just seeing his picture made me feel so much better about my decision, even though the two are not connected.
Today I got this email from a friend of his that lives in France and wanted to be "facebook friends". She was so interesting to talk to since she had adopted from Ethiopia in the 80s and 90s, 3 children at 3 seperate times. She just seemed to be placed in my life when I need some help and guidance. As I was answering her email, this face popped up as someone you might know...and it was this wonderful, young man who was our driver when we went to Meki. I just thought the world of him and didn't get to say goodbye, so I was so excited to see his picture. Would love to keep in touch with him and have someone my children can talk to as they get older about Ethiopia.
I just know that on those days when I am really having a difficult time and wondering what I can do to be a better Mom, their smiling faces will help me.