Validation

I wrote a few posts ago how I was starting to go see an adoption/bonding therapists to help me learn how to help Haven through some of our struggles. I have always felt like she has had some sensory issues and haven't really been taken seriously. I even talked to her Pediatrician (who has adopted himself) and was told it was "normal" for an adopted child of her age and she was a typical two year old. Many people told me how she was a "typical" two year old. But I still had this nagging voice in my head saying no, this is not normal.
In one of my therapy sessions, I was discussing some of  Haven's behavioral issues I have a hard time dealing with and our therapist said...."She sounds like a child that has sensory issues".
Yes, yes, yes, yes. I can't even begin to explain how that little sentence helped me overcome feeling like the biggest failure ever when it came to mothering Haven.

Next step, OT evaluation. We did just that on Friday. I found out not only does she have tactile, auditory issues (both of which I knew) but she also doesn't have spacial awareness (there is a big long word that they use to say that). Now I am so excited, that we have a plan. I know what I can do to help and she is going to go to OT for some therapy and she will be able to help herself. I have hope that we can go to someones house and she will eventually be able to keep her hands off of everything she sees. I don't know how long it will take us to get there, but I have hope. Hope that she can be in a large crowd without wanting to hide in a corner or under a table, hope that the lawn mower won't send her into complete terror next summer.

With this new found hope and our therapy sessions, things are better between Haven and I. We are not having a battle of wills all day long, every day. She actually understands why she goes to time out now and will apologize for the reason she was put in time out without prompting. That is a HUGE step, people. We are having more fun together and our bonding has moved forward.

I went to therapy, because I felt like I had not bonded with her as well as I had with Alec. This whole adoption process is so emotional and has such huge ups and downs, that when you come home and things are not going smoothly you don't want to admit it to anyone. You waited so long to be a family, you want everything to be perfect. Not fairy tale perfect, but family perfect. Our children bonded well to us, there were no underlying issues of orphanage life to deal with and we would  grow as a family together perfect. When that didn't happen I felt like a failure. I'm so glad I live in an area where there are people that only deal with adoption issues. If you are having problems, seek help from someone who understands how hard adoption is but also how wonderful adoption is.